One Step Closer

I was thinking the other day...

Life is hard.

I thought about this. Nothing seems easy. If I want to live, work is required. The expenditure of energy is necessary to get results. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. No action, no results.

Yes, life is hard, but withholding my energy from some person or project not only makes my life harder, it makes it less fulfilling.

What are you giving to life? What are you getting back?

Accomplishing anything worthwhile requires so much hard work.

If I want to accomplish anything noteworthy or worthwhile, then hard work is mandatory. There is no short cut, no easy hack, no magic pill to swallow. Busting my ass is the only answer to achieving anything worthwhile.

I think about the things I want to see in the world...

  • write a few books
  • create a magazine
  • develop a few apps
  • Tibet, India and the Himalayas
  • Siberia
  • perform on stage, either as speaker or actor
  • a stronger, healthier body

None of it is easy. There are no short-cuts. I have to put in the time and practice, the energy and effort to make it all happen.

All of these things require devotion. It's not a word I use very often, but if there's no devotion, then I'll never put in the time.

devotion |diˈvōSHən|

noun

love, loyalty, or enthusiasm for a person, activity, or cause

What are you devoted to?

Most of the time, I don't WANT to do the hard work.

I don't want to do the hard work most of the time. I'd rather relax, watch a Youtube video or sports, read a book, or surf the internet. Who wants to work out and exercise? Who wants to write everyday especially when you don't feel like it?

I'm learning that when I face the hurdle of not wanting to do something, then I should find someone that does. In the connected world and economy that we live in, it's not that hard to find someone who compliments your skill set.

Stop whining about hard work and figure out what you're willing to work hard on.

Then find other people to do the hard work you want no part of.

Collaboration is a lesson I'm learning (the hard way).

Who do you know that can do the things you don't want to do?

It's easy to do nothing and be lazy.

Initiating a new project is exciting and invigorating, but after the excitement ends, real work needs to get done. It becomes easy to do nothing and get a little lazy.

But I've noticed something about my laziness. I'm lazy when I'm not clear on what to do next, and I'm not clear on what to do next because I don't have enough reasons to BE CLEAR. Kinda circular, I know.

Knowing your "why?" is crucial to doing anything in life.

I'm also lazy if I'm doing something I've never done before and I know my process is going to be very inefficient.

What if all laziness was a by-product of my inability to see clearly? What if laziness was simply a result of my own uncertainty?

If the next steps aren't clear to me, then I can be sure of one thing: I will definitely procrastinate.

Define the next steps with clarity. Be concrete. Write it down. 12 different people should be able to take what you've written down, perform the next steps, and produce similar results.

If you're being lazy or procrastinating then spend more time being clear. If a problem repeats itself or still confuses you, then spend more time defining the actual problem.

Clarity (easy to perceive, understand, or interpret) = Power (the ability to do something or act in a particular way)

The more CLEAR you are, the more POWER you will exhibit.

Remember that.

It's easy to quit when things get tough.

And it will get tough. I start a project and pretty soon I find that there's something or someone I don't know, something I don't know how to do, or a task that is beyond my current skill level.

Starting Everybody's Famous quickly taught me what I didn't know, and what I'd have to learn quickly.

  • Will this venture succeed? How can I validate a magazine, actually get people to fork over their cash for something that doesn't exist yet?
  • How will this magazine earn money? What's the business model? What will people pay for? What's the value being delivered?
  • What kind of corporation is it? LLC, C, S, or B?
  • Since the magazine requires content, stories from local communities, where will that content come from? How will we find those people? How do we tell compelling stories that engages just about anybody?
  • What other legal considerations, ethical questions need to be answered?
  • I'm not a journalist. I'm not a photographer or videographer. I'm not an audiophile. EFM is a multi-media magazine, so I'm going to have to learn fast. Each one of those statements comes with a bunch of questions, research, and activities.

I could be here all day listing everything I don't know about how to run a magazine or a business, but the point is, each one of these challenges are learning opportunities. And learning requires lots of mistakes. Lots of them.

In the beginning of learning anything, there will be a disproportionate amount of mistakes to what you do right. Know this and suck it up.

It's easy to quit when you suck at something, but anything worth doing is worth doing POORLY.

Do it wrong, learn, and grow. Just don't quit when things get tough.

But I don't know "how?"

I learned a few years back NEVER to ask how to do something until I've tried it first. I never realized that question could be used as a cop out from true action. I'd say 90% of the people who ask "how?" before any research or taking some kind of action are not truly serious.

I used to be like that, maybe not verbally but definitely in my head. I found over time that if someone has enough desire, has enough reasons to do something, they'll find a way to make it happen.

I also found that if I dug down deep enough into a problem or project that the next step to take was always within my line of sight. Even if I couldn't see beyond that next step, I always knew what the very next step was, and once I took it, then next one would reveal itself.

Stop playing around. You know what the next step is. The next step you need to take for your relationships. Your business. Your community. Be responsible and take it. Stop asking "how?" and just do it. At least Nike got that right.

Oh, and from now on, replace "how?" with "why?" to get to the heart of things. If your purpose isn't strong enough, it won't get done anyway, regardless of all the how-to books in the world.

WHY always beats HOW.

I can do so much better...

Really? You can have a better relationship, a better job, a better home, and a better life?

Then do something about it.

'Better' requires a little bit of faith. Faith requires a clear vision.

If you don't have a vision for your life and all your ideals - your ideal average day, your ideal relationship, your ideal job, etc. - then you won't act. You'll talk and talk and talk, but nothing will get done.

Faith and risk require a solid vision or plain ignorance. You'll go on with your sh*tty job and your mediocre lifestyle, but nothing will get 'better' unless you see things clearly and ACT.

So basic, but it's easy to get caught up in our own heads.

Besides, if you have a clear vision and are taking the necessary actions to see it through, you'll be able to put up with that sh*tty job a little while longer. Your time there is coming to an end, and you KNOW it. It's just a matter of time.

Can you imagine? Working that job and having no light at the end of the tunnel?

Having no vision sucks. Not acting at all is worse.

C'mon, let's do this. Life can be better for all of us, and you know it.

What's your next step?

For work?

In your relationships?

For your health?

For recreation and travel?

For learning?

For your money?

Clarity is one step closer. Take a step towards your vision today.

Even if it's tiny and miniscule.

Just one.

Paul


Practice

I was swimming at the local pool, and was envious of all the people diving off the high dive. I knew I was afraid of heights, but I couldn't take it anymore. I had to try it.

I climb the ladder, get to the top, and look down.

I can't jump. I'm coming down.

I must've been 7 or 8 years old. I haven't been on another high dive since.


I'm 20 years old and I'm working as a security guard in on of the tallest buildings in downtown Seattle. This one happens to be 63 stories high, and during training, my supervisor takes me to the rooftop.

I step outside and I'm frozen with fear. I see the top of buildings and am clearly above the entire city, except for the building across the street from me, which is around 75 stories high. I immediately get down on my knees and my supervisor is laughing at me, but I don't care.

I'm crawling close to the ground, and every once in awhile I sneak a peek at the entire city. The height has unleashed my fear, and I'm desperate to leave.

We head towards the stairs, and lock the door behind us. I feel like I just landed on blessed Earth, and for a moment I'm grateful, but I know I have to come back. Not because it's my job, but because I have to conquer my fear. I just have to do it.


The next time I go up, my fear returns, but I do less crawling this time. I go to the far edge and peek over. It's tough but I hold it for a few moments longer. I head back towards the door, low to the ground, but at least I'm not crawling.

I'm making progress.

This continues. I go up, walk low to the ground, peek over the edge, stay a few minutes longer than the last time, and head back.

Eventually, I'm fearless walking on the rooftop, looking at this beautiful city from every angle I can, taking pictures, and finally enjoying the scenery. I'm became comfortable with my uncomfortableness until it finally left.

I feel alive.

Practice

It's funny what a consistent practice can do. It can transform fear into love, take someone with low skills to mastery, deepen learning, and develop stronger relationships.

Practice.

Einstein once said, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Who knows what context he was speaking in, but I'd like to amend his quote:

Practice: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

I'm reminded of the story of an old preacher. He told a riveting sermon to his congregation, and people spoke about it all week. The next week, he told the same sermon and people were equally inspired. But he wasn't done. He decided to tell it again, and again, and again.

For 3 months he told the same sermon to his congregation, until finally one of his deacons approached him and asked, "Excuse me Pastor, you do realize that you've been repeating the same sermon every week for the past 3 months?? People are concerned."

"Yes, I do realize that and I'll stop telling the same sermon, over and over again, when people actually GET IT."

Practice eliminates hypocrisy, too.

I was playing basketball at a local rec center. I had a decent shot, and was snatched up by one of the teams. The guy I was guarding was quick, a little faster than me, but had one additional skill I didn't have. He could make a shot from just about anywhere, in just about any situation. To put it another way, he was schooling me.

We played a few games, and when it was over, I had to ask him, "Where did you learn to shoot like that?"

"I shoot a thousand jumpers a day," he said, "I usually have someone with me when I practice. They throw me the ball, and then run toward me trying to stop me from making the shot. I do this a thousand times, then I'm done."

Damn.

Practice makes you awesome, too.

People come to see me all the time looking to get their lives back in order. The first thing I ask them is what they do with their time. I pull out a blank schedule, and ask them to fill in what they did for the last week.

One time, a woman was shocked to see how much TV was occupying her time. I then asked her a question she'll never forget.

"What do you practice each and every day?"

She thought for a good 20 seconds and said, "I don't practice anything, really."

"Oh, that's not true. Looks like you're pretty good at watching TV."

She laughed, cause she thought I was joking. I just looked into her eyes, and then she got it.

"I need to change that," she finally said.

"Unless you're satisfied with what you have," I said making sure she was aware of her options.

"No. I need to change."

Practice leads to crappy results, too.

What's your practice?

I know I've talked about this before, but I'm like that cranky old preacher.

What are you doing with your life everyday? Because you're practicing something, and whatever it is, you're getting better at it.

It's all good if you're getting better at the right things, but what if you're getting better at the wrong things? Who determines right and wrong? You do. Just be honest with yourself.

For now, I'm practicing my writing. In a few, I'll be practicing some eating and maybe relax my mind with a movie.

Tomorrow, I'll be practicing writing some more, doing some business practice for the magazine, some exercise practice, maybe some yoga practice.

What about you?

If you're satisfied with what you have or your current results, maintain the practice. But if you want to get better at something, if you want different results, you'd better practice that.

How else are you gonna get there?

Paul

Practice: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.


INFP

"You're a loner."

I was standing in the cold on campus at the University of Washington (UW), talking to my dad on a pay phone.

I was silent after his last statement. He began again.

"It's not like you CAN'T make friends. You just don't want to. Nothing wrong with that."

I got off the phone and his statement stuck to me. I'm a loner.

I thought about it some more. Yup, I have no problem with that.

Introvert

I've known for awhile that I'm an introvert. I didn't really care for social settings when I was younger, although I'm much better now.

I remember visits to our relatives and sometimes I would just sit in the car. "You coming in?", my dad would ask, probably already knowing what my answer was.

No. I'll be fine right here.

And I would sit in the car until it was time to leave. If someone came outside, I would hide so they wouldn't come over and talk to me.

I remember times during high school when girls would say hello to me, and I'd just stare or be non-responsive while they carried a conversation for the both of us. Tragic.

Parties were pointless. I didn't do anything but bob my head and listen to the music, if I even went at all.

You think this changed as I got older?

I remember women asking me out for coffee and I'd respond with, "Oh, I don't really drink coffee."

She's asking you out, stupid! Of course, she wouldn't know what to say after that, just give me a smile and probably wonder wtf is wrong with me. I was kind of oblivious. Probably still am.

I missed some key opportunities in my life because I was clueless in social situations. I'm sure it's cost me, but to what degree, who can say?

A simple test

When I started working for a social services agency, I participated in a workshop facilitated by an expert in Myers-Briggs personality profiling.

The facilitator was contracted by the UW and I proceeded to go over 350+ statements to assess whether I agree a little, a lot, or disagree a little or a lot. At the end of the test, they tabulated the results and 4 letters were presented to me:

I N F P

I = Introvert

N = iNtuitive

F = Feeling

P = Perceiving

(To learn what an INFP is, you can go here. To learn what each letter means, go here. To take the test to find out what your type is, go here.)

The report also showed the degree to which I was an "I", "N", "F", and "P". I saw my "I" was practically off the charts. Sure, I knew I was introverted, but this much?? Can't say I was surprised, then I remembered my dad's words.

You're a loner.

He didn't mean anything by that statement, he was simply stating a fact. He probably had a little concern when he said it because I was young, and starting over in a new place. He just wanted me to be mindful of it.

Before we got off the phone, he said to me, "If you want to change, you can. It's up to you."

Acceptance & Practice

Over time I would learn to embrace who I was. I also learned how to improve myself in social arenas.

This led me to the understanding that if something can be improved upon, it's a skill. I would just need some more practice.

Some psychologists believe that your personality type is innate. Some think it's nurtured over time. Some think it's fixed, and some believe you can change it.

I'm somewhere in the middle of all of that. I've been introverted for as long as I can remember, but I'm sure I've shifted a few degrees over to the extroverted side. Maybe I'll take the longer version of the test again to find out where I am again. Maybe I won't.

Finally, there are advantages to being introverted. I get to live within my wild imagination. I've become a decent teacher and facilitator. I'm developing my writing and public speaking skills. I'm able to generate fresh ideas and practical, but innovative solutions to everyday problems.

I'm still a loner, preferring my journal to a networking event, but I'm getting better, day by day.

How about you?

Paul


Death knocks lightly

Seattle, January 1993.

I'm happy to get out of the cold rain, and enter my 'home'. I live in the basement of a run down house complete with water leaks, two inch wolf spiders, and shady people (my roommates) walking in and out of the building at all times. A fire hazard waiting to happen, this house would eventually burn to the ground in a few years.

Anyway, I open the door to my room, close and lock it, turn my small electric heater on, and wait for it to warm up my space. I feel a sense of gratitude to whoever left the heater here, even though I know it will take a good 45 minutes before my place feels toasty. I'm off for the next couple of days and have been looking forward to being out of the elements. I couldn't wait to be home.

Seattle is colder than what I'm used to, but I'm adjusting after being here for a year. Even with that adjustment, I still hold some serious anger from my past. I'm angry with certain people and frustrated by my lack of progress in life. I also hate the noise of a house full of college students, drug dealers and users, and other stragglers that managed to make this their home.

I'm full of hate. (It took me awhile to understand who I was really angry with and wouldn't realize that until the next day.) My hate is somewhere in the background, but today, something else has my attention.

I feel a little sick, and I know something's not right with me. "It's ok, I'll just get some rest," I tell myself.

I get out of my wet clothes, the heat is picking up, and I shiver a little as I get underneath my blankets. It feels good to be in bed even if I don't feel good.

But something is vaguely familiar...

Pneumonia

I've had pneumonia twice in my life. Fortunately, my parents brought me to the doctor both times for successful treatments.

I took antibiotics both times, and learned that if pneumonia is not treated properly, death can result. I also heard that having pneumonia makes someone susceptible to having it again.

I'll never forget the symptoms - the pain, the aches, the bed sweats, and the green stuff that oozed its way of out my body.

Could I have it again??

The Storm

I don't know how long I've been sleeping. I wake up.

My entire bed is soaking wet. I feel disoriented and lost. I change the sheets but know I'm in bad shape.

My body aches, but I'm happy to get back into bed with dry sheets.

I close my eyes...

I'm not sure how much time elapsed, but now I'm being attacked by black shapes. I try to open my eyes, but I can't. The black shapes are moving fast and I can't keep up. I'm hallucinating I think to myself, but I hate them. I hate that they're here to torment me. I hate them for forcing themselves into my psyche. I feel like I'm being punished.

Why are you torturing me?

I'm able to wake up, but they're still inside. I feel sluggish and weighted down by their occupation. I groan, and think to myself, leave me the f*** alone!

For some reason I think they can hear me. Maybe they can. I look at the time, and realize I've been in bed for over 10 hours. I manage to use the bathroom, come back to bed and close my eyes. They're still here.

I try to sleep some more, but the pressure is too intense.

The suffering goes on for a few more hours, gaining in intensity and momentum. It's so unbearable.

Slowly it begins to dawn on me. I'm going to die.

I feel like I'm going to die, and now I just want it over with. My fight has led to despair, and with one last prayer, I say to any benevolent entity that's listening, "Please, please... just take my life. I don't want to live anymore. Just take me."

I never seriously asked God for anything before, but this wasn't an ask. I was begging.

I slip into darkness.

The next day

I awake. My bed is soaked from my sweat. The black shapes are gone and I feel a great sense of relief. I feel liberated. I lay in the bed, somewhat achey and sore, and look at the time. 16 hours have passed, but it feels like much more. Each moment I had with those black shapes felt like an eternity.

What happened to me? I thought I was on my death bed. I just knew it. I never felt that type of suffering before. I never experienced a psychic onslaught of that magnitude in my entire life.

But here I am. Alive, and actually feeling good. Not good, but much better than where I was, and ready to begin again.

I thought and reflected on what happened and made a decision. No, it was more like a declaration.

From today forward, I will make the best of my life. I will learn what I need to learn to be my best. I will stop being so angry towards people because they're all out of my control. I will be a better person overall.

A message for you

The closeness of what felt like death brought me more life in the end. I never wanted to suffer in that manner, but it's helped me find myself much faster.

You're alive on this planet and reading this post, but a storm is coming. It doesn't care who you are, what status you hold in society, or where you came from. It's coming to all of us. Just weather the storm. You have enough in you to do that.

It will knock you over. Get back up.

It will soak you down to your bones. Change your sheets.

It will send unspeakable fears through your mind. Face them.

It will make you wanna give up. Don't.

There's something on the other side of this storm that no one talks about...

Your best self. Claim it.

I believe in you.

Paul


Now what?

I was listening to an audio book written by a business coach on the way to work this morning. She told the story of a client who accomplished her so-called dream job and the much coveted corner office. After a few months, her client began to feel empty inside, and was left asking, now what?

She thought she had everything she wanted, but what she accomplished didn't hold the personal satisfaction she thought she was looking for.

I know, first world problems, but I've witnessed the other side of the spectrum. I help people who have been homeless or formerly incarcerated get back on their feet, and many times they also end up in the same place - now what? They think they wanted the clothes, the car, a new apartment, a certain type of man/woman, but many end up in the same place.

Now what?

Now what? can become a serious problem if you don't know how to deal with it. Many get to the now what? space and turn to drugs, sex, gambling, binge TV watching, food, shopping, etc. If you don't understand that empty feeling inside, then a quick fix solution is to fill it up with something as fast as possible.

Stuffing your face full of food, smoking a little weed, flipping through channels or Youtube, and spending hard earned money on clothes you may only wear a few times are ways to fill the void inside. The only problem with these tactics is that they only mask the problem, but the truth is still waiting for you.

I experience now what? after every project is completed. I sometimes experience it after an epic blog post. I remember that now what? feeling when I came back from Europe and South America. The feeling comes and if there's no answer after the question has been asked, then I can get a little depressed.

Now what? is there to remind you that humans were meant to grow and evolve. It doesn't mean that you need to be working on something ALL the damn time. When I was in Europe I discovered my love for writing, worked on creative projects, and was free to travel when and where I pleased.

Nothing's changed since then because I still have those options, but my now what? feeling taught me to break from the norm, chuck the routine and live spontaneously - even if for a couple of weeks. I learned a lot about myself, discovered new worlds, and coming back to ordinary life taught me to want more.

Takeaways

How do you deal with that now what? feeling?

Here are a few things to remember:

  1. Now what? is a sign that you're ready to tackle a new project or problem. Ask yourself, what problem bugs me that I want to solve? Let ideas flow to you.
  2. Now what? could be a signal that you've lost sight of your personal vision, mission, or purpose in life. Call it what you want, but I believe everybody ought to be working on ideas, using their talents and gifts in unique ways to solve people problems. What are 3 big things you would like to accomplish this year? Next year? In the next 10 years? Use whatever timeline you want, just make it longer than this week.
  3. Now what? could be reminding you that what you're doing is not YOU. You're doing it because you think it will give you recognition from your boss, peers and colleagues, some dude or chic, or your parents. If you're not living life for YOU, then you may get that corner office, and in a few months be asking WTF?! Be yourself is the most cliche'd and BS advice given in the world, but powerful if carried out to its fullest expression. So, be your mutha f'n self! (I hate cliches)
  4. Now what? could be a time to sit with NO stimulation. Stop avoiding the void, and deal with it. The truth is sitting in the dark, waiting for you to face it. Whether you meet it sooner or later, it's there - the loneliness, the despair, the anger, and the I don't know what the f*** I'm doing feeling. The truth is undefeated, so taking drugs or some other escape is only prolonging the inevitable. Deal with your sh*t, head up.
  5. And finally, now what? could be telling you to relax and chill for a moment. Stop trying to make everything happen. If you're running solely off your head and not listening to your heart, you're going to have a tough life. Give in sometimes, and surrender to the almighty NOTHINGNESS. There's something powerfully peaceful in the VOID. It's just hell getting there.

Paul


What a career coach's resume looks like

My new resume design took me awhile to put together. I played with it, I wanted it to stand out, and I GET that the content could use some cleaning up, but here it is anyway. It's a work in progress, as all resumes are.

You may drag this resume onto your desktop for further examination.

You can also download a PDF version at the bottom of this post.

Paul

Paul Campillo's resume

Feel free to download a PDF version of this resume by clicking on the link below.

[download id="9" format="1"]


Follow Your Heart

Tonight I'm thinking about how hard it's been to keep producing fresh content for this blog. Sometimes it takes me a few hours just to put ideas together. My flow starts with a quick sketch outline, write, and then I edit. I'm paragraph dyslexic because I write what should go last, first, and what should go first, last, and so I spend additional time rearranging paragraphs so they make sense.

Once I've done that, I spend time looking for the right image to go with my post. I try to find a quote or something that I can embed into the image so that readers can walk away with a reminder of what I wrote about that day. Sometimes I think they're good, other times I could do better.

So, that's basically my process. When I wasn't doing this challenge, I could take my time with ideas, let them marinate awhile until they became ripe and ready to go. The incubation period made the writing easier and it flowed more naturally.

But writing everyday is a whole 'nother beast. Instead of letting ideas percolate slowly, the ripe ideas usually come from the theme of the day. Ever think of your days as 'themed'? It turns out that when I look deep enough, there is something happening in the background.

Today, the conflict of writing when I don't feel like it is occupying my mind. I can sit here all day staring at a blank page, thinking I wanted to write about a certain topic, but my heart's been telling me something else this whole time.

And here's the trick. If I listen to my heart (or gut, or intuition, or whatever the h*ll you want to call it), it's always telling me something. Not just in artistic endeavors such as writing, photography, or music, but it's sharing its wisdom in practical matters.

My head may want me to stay somewhere a little longer, eat something that I know isn't good for me, or write about a particular topic, but the heart is saying 'no'. If I stick with my head, and don't heed my heart's calls, my efforts feel forced. This leads to so-called writer's block, long days of being unproductive, and frustration.

The Heart speaks

Earlier, I was working on another post most of the day, but it's not the one you're seeing now. I think it'll be good when I'm done with it, but my heart was telling me no this whole time.

Then I sit down, start a brand new post, stare at another blank page, and say to myself, what do I really want to say right now?

And here we are. My heart wanted to speak. It wanted to make a declaration.

I'm HERE. I'm with you always.

You don't have to listen, and you don't have to believe.

I'll still be here. If you do listen, if you do believe, then act with courage into the unknown - you won't be disappointed.


In the Power Of One, Peekay's trainer tells him, "First with the head, then with the heart."

It made all the sense in the world when I read that, but the more I think about it, I think it's the opposite:

First with the heart, then with the head.

I think all writers, organizations, artists, lovers, employers, employees, parents, students, and everybody in between should start with their heart, first. The why? question gives you reasons, and those reasons come from the heart.

Why am I writing tonight? Why am I blogging for these 30 days?

Because writing makes me think, and blogging everyday makes me better thinker. If I become a better thinker, I become a better writer, because it's circular. If I become a better writer, then my message is clearer. If the message I write is clearer, the more impact that message will have on others, including me.

Isn't that what we're here to do? Impact others in positive ways? Make people think? Make a dent in your part of the galaxy?

I have respect for writers everywhere who do this everyday, and do it well. Anybody can put out crap, but to keep the consistency of writing well (or doing anything well) is challenging.

Final takeaway

Stop listening to your head, and follow your heart. It'll save you a lot of time, energy, and effort in the long run.

Tonight's post is finally up. I just wished I listened to my heart much sooner.

Paul


Forgive me?

What do you do when your intention gets misinterpreted?

What happens when you hurt another's feelings without realizing it?

What's the next course of action when both parties think they're right?

Miscommunication is a chance to tell the truth. It's an opportunity to go deeper with someone. Don't squander your opportunity to get to the heart of things. Yes, it may be easier to run from the problem, or the person in the moment, but do your best to stick it out. There's growth on the other side of conflict.

Forgive.

Learn.

Grow.

Heal while you can, there's no reason to prolong the inevitable.

To all the people who I have hurt, knowingly or unknowingly, intentionally or unintentionally...

Please, forgive me.

Thank you.

Paul


Fun

"What do you do for fun?"

It's always been an odd question for me to answer. I get a different reaction depending on who I'm talking to.

I like to write, read, work on projects, I'll check out a movie from time to time, watch sports, blah blah blabbity blah...

It really doesn't matter what comes after I say 'work on projects'...

"So you work all the time then, huh?"

I don't know. I suppose so.

"Man, you should go out sometime."

Like, where?

"I don't know. Maybe a club or something. Aren't you bored?"

No. I don't think I EVER get bored. There's too much to do.

(Falls on deaf ears.)

"You should come out with me sometime. I'll show you a good time."

Ok, sure, when I get some time. I'll think about it.


It never happens. I rarely, if ever, hang out with a bunch of friends at one time, but I still manage to have FUN. My kind of fun, not other people's.

Thinking about big ideas is fun to me, especially in group settings. Working on those ideas is not as fun, but the results that come from the work is entirely satisfying.

Exercising in a gym is not fun, but running around playing frisbee or catching a football is. Exercise with some gaming or competitive element gets my juices flowing, but a treadmill heading to nowhere seems like such a waste.

Writing is a mixed bag. Sometimes it's fun, most of the time it's an exercise in frustration and despair hoping something ingenious spews out of my brain. Thank the universe for 'morning pages' by Julia Cameron. A writer's life saver.

Dancing is fun, unless I feel like I'm forcing it, or I'm dancing because some beautiful woman asked me to, but I'm not really feeling the music. She has no clue.

Starting a company is fun-ish, but after the initial excitement and bursts of creative energy, reality sets in. The momentum shifts to hard work, doubt, uncertainty, and hopefully a few small wins to keep the business (and my sanity) alive one more day.

This 30 day challenge is fun on some days, but today I'm hating on this "fun" post.

But you know what? It's all worth it. The crummy days of doing something you love are worth the quiet moments of pain. The fear, the worry, the doubt, the frustration are NOT fun, but there are moments in there that are.

I knew this, even in my 'clubbing' days. The whole entire night out was rarely fun, in fact most of the time it was the opposite. But then there are special nights when I dance for 5 hours straight, thanks to Jazzy Jeff and Shortkut.

Paul and Z
A rarity rivaling the Lochness Monster or Bigfoot: Paul having FUN!

Yup. 5 hours straight - that's not an exaggeration. I was sore for three days. Is that kind of fun the norm for me? Not even close.

I've noticed that fun comes in moments and spurts, even in so-called 'fun' settings. Maybe true enjoyment lingers, and fun is just an excitable form of enjoyment. Who knows? Who cares? What matters is I'm enjoying my life.

I enjoy the work I do, for the most part. I enjoy my life outside of my day job, even if it's another form of work. Am I missing out on something? Sure. The activities I do on a daily basis are sometimes fun to do, but hardly are they fun ALL of the time.

Maybe fun is not all its cracked up to be. Maybe it's authentic enjoyment that we're all after. Maybe it's a new challenge. Maybe it's a simple guilty pleasure.

Find something you enjoy doing, and stop worrying about us introverts. Trust me, we're good.

Paul