I wake up to a strange light. It actually nudged me.
What do you want?
I’m half asleep, I don’t who I’m talking to, but whoever this is, is familiar to me.
“Yes, your life. Why don’t you give it to me?”
How? You want me to die?
“Let me show you.”
I black out.
I’m starting to regain consciousness, stars are flying past me. I feel like I’m traveling at the speed of light, but something feels off.
“You’re correct,” as if my mind is being read, “you’re not really moving. It’s all in your mind. Relax.”
Where are you taking me?
“Back to the beginning. Back to where we started.”
I wake up. It’s a dream and they are increasingly becoming more real, more vivid. I’m able to feel inside of them, touch things, and even sweat. It’s not like before.
It seems that someone is communicating with me, not just in my dreams, but in waking life.
Deja vu happens more frequently. Strangers look familiar. It’s probably just a phase.
I think about my dream, and Zhuangzi’s words come to mind:
“Once upon a time, I dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was myself. Soon I awaked, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man.”
I begin to wonder. Why does anything exist? Anything at all? If there is an almighty god or creator, then what came before THAT? And what came before that? The infinity of the question makes my mind tweak for a minute. I can’t grasp it.
Fine. I accept it. I’m prepared for anything to happen. I understand many things in life are out of my control, and lately I feel like I’m being driven rather than the one doing the driving.
Sure, I can resist. I can stop the flow, but where will that get me? I have to listen more, follow that instinct, and trust. Yeah, trust, that’s the hard part. If I don’t learn to trust my Self, then I’m headed for normality and normal is just another word for mediocre.
If you’re trying to do something meaningful, the biggest mistake you can make is to accept the norms of your time.
A thought comes to me. I have a question. It’s the question. It makes me think some more, then I get excited. I realize how important this particular question is.
Biased? I’m sure of it, but still an important question to ask. I believe it can bridge the divide between science and religion. The journey will be long and arduous, but I’ll get there. Step by step, I’ll get there.
Bet you’re wondering what the question is, huh?
I hope I find an effective way to deliver it. I’ll be fine as long as I trust. It’s not as easy at it sounds.
Maybe in my dreams – or is it reality? Sometimes I can’t tell the difference.